How to become Magnetic
I was thinking about what I wanted to talk about, and I feel like the real on-trend thing at the moment is this word, magnetic. I've delivered quite a lot of training on this over the past few weeks, and I feel like it's well, It's on-trend, for one, obviously, like I said, but obviously so much more than that. There's so much depth to it. So I want to pull that apart today and hopefully give you some tools that you can start to implement in your own life from now to activate that part of you.
I believe we all have that essence inside of us to be magnetic, to be that most vibrant, colourful, expansive, shiny version of ourselves. And when I say that, I don't mean it from a space of a cherry on top of a cake. I mean the whole damn cake honey, you know?
I just feel like we have played small for so long as, you know, people, as women, and our idea of what beauty and magnetism and shininess really is, its like that surface thing that I was talking about, for example when you've got makeup on you're magnetic, or, when you're in your best outfit you're magnetic, but actually magnetic, I believe, is a character trait. I think it's a part of your personality that could be activated. And I think once it is activated, I don't think you could turn it off. I mean, I might be wrong on that, but that's my interpretation of it, because I believe and feel in myself that the moment I activated this part of me, it's just everything I am all of the time and I really do just feel and believe that everyone deserves to feel like that.
So obviously you've been listening to my podcast and or you've been following my journey whether it's on social media or through my blogs you'll know that my childhood experiences and basically my whole teenage - 20s life has been an uphill battle, I struggled a lot with my own insecurities and like my body shape and the way I looked, my hair, my appearance in general. That was a root of childhood trauma, severe bereavement and parentalisation I had a lot of responsibility at a young age and I felt like body image and image in general were the things I could control at the time. That's a really key point of this, because when we can't control our inner world, we start to control our outer world, or we try to. And that's where we start to pick ourselves apart. So more often than not, and this is a sensitive subject, I'm just going to give a disclaim here. When we talk about eating disorders or anything related to that, it's because we can't gain control of our inner world or the things happening around us. Quite often, something will be happening in the home. It's quite a complex, this example is going to be a very hearty one, and it's a deep one, but hopefully it'll give you a bit more understanding of why this is also important, and why the trauma healing is such a big part of my work.
Example, if a young girl, say you, watched your parents split up, and you thought you were happy, maybe you're an only child, maybe you have siblings, but you watch your parents split up, your whole world had flipped upside down. So what you understood as safety, began to crumble around you, and the only way you felt like you could control what was happening in your life is to start to control what you were eating, because that made you feel safe, was knowing that you could control one element of your life. Now, that is just like the seed in this situation, because what happens is we look for reinforcement of our belief. So no matter what it is that we are thinking or feeling, we look to prove ourselves right.
Children between the ages of 0 to 7, haven't developed, I think it's the prefrontal cortex, but I could be completely wrong on that, with what word it is, but basically it's the decision-making part of the brain, that's the part of our brain that controls rational thinking. That part of the brain doesn't actually start to develop until after seven years old and in fact, I think properly, it's from 11 years old that it starts to come through efficiently. So everything that you learn as a child and understand is based on your emotional response to it. You don't understand that your parents breaking up has nothing to do with you. You believe that you are part of/are that problem.
Now, because you didn’t understand, or get to process your emotions fully they remain stored in your body. It is that feeling of unsettledness that inspires you to attempt to regain control. For example, your parents breakup could have happened when you were four years old, and you never really felt right since then, as you get older maybe you develop a little bit of OCD, or maybe you become laser focused on perfectionism, then you start to think about the clothes you're wearing and then the moment you become aware of what you are eating you begin to have a say in it, that's when we obviously try to take our power back from the situation.(I don’t mean not liking peas, those that have had sensitivity to food will relate to this if you don’t, thats positive).
Everything that we are is a result of what we experienced. This is why this ties in so wonderfully, because we have to heal that part of us that felt like we were inadequate. And that's been my journey. I didn't just wake up one day and be like, cool, I'm going to be magnetic today! It has been an ongoing process of healing. The moment I realised that it doesn't matter what I look like on the outside, I stopped trying to control how many times I was exercising and how good other people thought I was, when I let go of that and started to work on these inner things thats when everything changed.
I craved to create safety, I've tried to protect everyone my whole life, because I always had to be the protector, my whole adult life I've been creating strength, whether it be emotionally, not expressing vulnerability and physically weightlifting and exercising, whether it be dance or actually going to the gym, seven days a week, six days a week, that was so toxic. - Side note, I'm in the best shape of my life now, not doing that and resting more than what I was exercising that amount of time.
I don't know why body image is so prevalent here, but as I said before I think it's the go to topic when thinking about the idea of being magnetic. Societally we see it as an image thing, but it is so internal!
As always, I will link it to the inner healing. Disclaimer, with any resources like this, it's always just a little snippet into the world of transformation that happens when you give yourself the permission. So just know that if any of these prompts activate you in any way and get you thinking about more, thats's a sign there that you might need to come work with me at this time. And I invite anyone into my space that just wants to learn, grow, and be more. Because that was really the thing for me, knowing that I didn't want to feel like that anymore - burnt out, exhausted, less than, like I had to change all the time. It was hard work, going to the gym all the time and working on being perfect, improving my skill, I would think if I just did this I would be better, more accepted, more worthy. It was exhausting!
The first step to creating this transformation comes from these nitty gritty questions. I want you to ask yourself do you like yourself? Just sit on that for a minute. Do you like who you are as a person? That could be how you show up in your relationships, your drive and determination, are you happy with that? Do you feel like on your core level that like, yeah, I like me. Because that is a really, really deep question that has a thousand questions on the back of it. But that is the first step to really becoming magnetic, you have to not only like who you are, but love who you are. Because I've said many a times, how you feel about yourself is projected back to you in the outside world.
If you're thinking, no, I don't, what can I do about that? We begin by searching for evidence of you being a good person, being a nice friend or, partner or, being good at what you do. That's what we start to do now. So you can do this either way, whether it's a good answer or a bad answer. I want you to start to think about, what would the closest people to you say about you? Would they say that you are kind, that you are caring? What is their views on you? Just about three to five you can think about. And then I want you to think about your own thoughts on that as well. Maybe your friends and family would see you as really funny, kind, outgoing and generous, but actually in yourself, you feel like you could give more, or that you could try harder, these are things that we want to match up the difference with, because how you feel about you and how other people feel about you right now might be conflicting. It is a really nice way for you to see for yourself that if you know hand on heart that your, family member, your partner would tell you that you are incredible and that you are the kindest person they've ever met, but you don't feel that, that's the disconnect part that resides in you. The next step would be to work on how you can feel that internally, that's the key part, because if other people see that light in you, trust me, it is there! That is inside of you, and you have to just see it for yourself.
When I got into doing like the nightclub work, so about 22, 23, I started doing selling shots as one of my many jobs. And I would meet some lovely women that would be like, oh my gosh, you're so beautiful. And I'd be like, really? I just didn't see it for myself. And then something clicked. And I was like, people wouldn't just say this for the sake of it. I don't know these women. Why would they go out of their way to tell me I'm beautiful if I wasn't? So I had to really sit on that for myself and be like, what part of me doesn't feel beautiful?
Now I grew up in an area where nobody looked like me, I was different and so I identified myself as being unattractive because of that. That was a story I had told myself and believed for the majority of my life. So in order to see my beauty, I had to create a new story.
I’ve mentioned this in my previous blogs but our subconscious mind uses 95% of our brain space. That means that we are living life based on our subconscious thoughts. The story you have been following throughout your whole life is one you created when you were just a child. The great thing is our brains are adaptable. I created my new story by speaking kindly to myself, through finding things I liked about myself every time I looked in the mirror and though using affirmations, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. This was over a number of weeks months and years, it is something I continue to practice even to this day!
In summary, if you want to become magnetic you have to first, give yourself permission, second create a new story and believe it with every fibre of you being and third choose it everyday single day. If you want to dive deeper and heal from the inside out, that will of course, increase your confidence and in turn your magnetism. As I always say the universe is a mirror to us, when you feel amazing the whole world will show you how amazing you truly are.
For additional support and guidance I invite you in to work with me!
Give yourself the permission to shine!
Love and Light xx