You vs Self Sabotage + Social Media
Imagine how much money the crash diet industry would lose if we all actually liked our bodies? Same goes with the cosmetic surgery industry!
It’s crazy to me how we only get 1 body and 1 face, and instead of celebrating our individuality as women, we are seen as competitors against one another in the pursuit to bag a man, the man is the “prize” - I know let’s all laugh together! No offence lads but I’m not prepared to battle it out for you, especially not for a guy that’s necking pints every night and smashing gear of a weekend - yup you’ve guessed it I’m one of those ‘feminists’ and proud of it! I can cook before you ask but that is none of your business. I’m not your mother!
“Feminist: the person who believes in the social Political, and economic equality of the sexes.” - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
My favourite line that I say to the young ladies I teach dance is: ‘You are the only You there is and that’s your super power’ - Sherisse.
I actually grew up thinking I was ugly, but I wasn’t ugly at all, I was just different. I grew up in a town in Kent that had a predominately Caucasian population - I’m talking 75/80%! - Because I didn’t have blonde hair, a small nose and blue eyes, I thought I was ugly?! I actually only started to see my own beauty at around 23. Bear in mind I’d been training in Dance for 5 years prior, and performing professionally for the last 2 years at the time. I actually feel like that was also one of the reasons I felt inadequate - from my experience, the Dance industry has only started to diversify in the last 5 years.
I was also always a little bit chubby, not a lot, just softer around the edges. I actually had one agent say to me ‘if you start doing lots of cardio you’ll loose your curves and get more slender.’ - I did ask for feedback in fairness. - That 22 year old me didn’t even flinch at that comment, that was just the reality of the career I had chosen for myself and I wanted to do whatever it took, to get me where I wanted to be. The fact that my family nick named me ‘fatty’ from the ages 7-22 did not help with this. The nick name only came about because my sister was so slim of course and I looked bigger!
I would never ask for someones opinion on my body now, and if someone did give me their unwanted opinion, they would feel my wrath!
My journey to self love
I read ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne at 18 and it definitely helped me at the time but, I don’t think I really quite grasped the concept! Uni was a difficult time for me, I worked 3 different jobs, full time dance training + theory and travelled 100 miles a day! To top it all off my laptop was stolen, all my uni work was lost and my car broke down several times. Throughout that whole process I didn’t help myself, I was asking for it through my negative outlook.
I had 2 awful contracts abroad that consisted of: false pay, false job roles and false hopes. One of the managers was even sleeping with some of the other dancers! I only stayed in the first job for 2 weeks out of 6 months and the second for 3 weeks. Each time I went above and beyond to find something better, I even got a taxi to a night club in the middle of Faliraki in Greece and again in Ayia Napa in Cyprus to try and secure another job. Just to prevent myself from going home and admitting defeat, but in the end it was my only option.
The experience broke my heart and I felt like a failure, but now looking back I can see those jobs were not meant to be! I was so much better than both of them!
So I’m back in the UK defeated, lost and confused, then I come across ‘The Magic’ by Rhonda Byrne. It requires you add gratitude into your daily life for 28 days. I can honestly say reading this book was a turning point in my life, not only helping me to understand the importance of gratitude but this also gave me a new found love of reading!
As I became more grateful for the things and people in my life, I also started to become grateful for my body externally and internally. As gratitude became my way of life I became happier and my ‘bad luck’ spell started to disappear.
People would compliment me every now and again but I just thought they were being polite, until one day I looked in the mirror and was like, ’oh hey girl I see you’, Sherisse aged 23.
“If you have good thoughts they will shine out your face like sun beams and you will always look lovely” Roald Dahl.
During this process I developed a love for fitness, not just cardio but HIT training and weights. I learned to love my curves and I realised that I wanted to look strong instead of striving for an out of reach body type. I actually don’t believe there even is a right or perfect body shape, I think you are beautiful just as you are and as long as you are healthy and happy that’s all that matters! But tell that to an image based industry 5 years ago!
I invested more into makeup and worked alongside makeup artists where I began to develop my skills. Although I love makeup (putting on my war paint) I can accept myself without it - I don’t look my best- but I’m human and I’m ok with that!
The fundamental thing here is you have to work through how you feel about yourself on the inside! You can spend hundreds of pounds on the top of the range makeup and surgery, go to the gym every day for hours or drink shakes for 2 weeks but until you genuinely love and accept yourself it’s all meaningless! I don’t quite know where the lack of self love developed from, or why it’s not taught in schools, or even really accepted or celebrated? I remember being a teenager and purposefully making myself smaller. As I’ve always danced from a young age, as a teenager my family and friends would expect me to show off so I purposefully wouldn’t. What was wrong with showing off? I was insecure and I wanted to be liked and accepted. Now I embrace my bold nature and as I said in my last blog ‘Things I’ve learnt at 29' I’m unapologetically myself, and if people have a problem with that, then that’s their business!
I’m telling you when you appreciate all the hard work you do for yourself, you’ll look at yourself differently. Your legs maybe a little thicker but they are strong from carrying you all day, your stomach may not be flat but if I’m honest I don’t think most peoples are it's just good angles or you are fortunate to have a long torso - lucky! - but your stomach fights thousands of bacteria in your gut. What you feel like you lack, another person is wishing they had! You are amazing and the fact you woke up today and got yourself out of bed is a blessing in itself!
My whole career is based around image - I used to think it was cruel and unfair but it is just the way it is! - I will always look like this give or take a few pounds at Christmas and a few shades in the summer but I know the right jobs WILL come to me at the right time and I am so grateful for my divine timing.
What I’ve learnt.
Social media is not real!
As I said before angles make such a difference! The influencers you see do not look poised and beautiful all the time! I’m sure when they sit down they have rolls too! And/or they’ve had surgery to look like that, I’m not knocking it or anything, as I said earlier if you’re happy internally and you can afford it - it’s your life and who am I to judge?! What I do not agree with, is influencers promoting diets, pills and workouts that they don’t use or do themselves, but they are influencing others to follow! (Sheep culture is something I’ll go into another time!)
“If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” - Maya Angelou
All bodies are beautiful!!
Who defines beautiful anyway?! Please do not tell me its men?!!
All bodies are as beautiful as the soul inside them and that’s my main point here - you can edit, nip, tuck and suck, but until you are truly happy its all just things.
The spiritual part
Your body is a vessel that your soul has chosen. I know crazy - almost as crazy as one man creating the whole world on his own …
“I am a spiritual person living in a human body, not a human body with a spirit” - Bob Proctor.
Like a car you have to oil and water/ feed, water and maintain your body as you would your car. We’ve all seen the seedy overweight rich guy polishing his car every day but has clearly neglected himself and his body his whole life! - He’s the rude one at the restaurant complaining about the food he’s just eaten!
All jokes aside .. It’s so much deeper than just what you eat and drink: you are absorbing what you watch on the TV, the conversations you’re having with others, and with yourself, and the environment you are in.
Treat yourself with the same love and respect as you would treat others!
You only get 1 life and 1 body: it’s your home.
Stop comparing yourself to the model on Instagram or your friends.
You are beautiful exactly as you are. - Without the filter, without loosing a few pounds.
Just You and You are absolutely, positively more than enough! So eat the cake, drink the wine and buy those shoes you want! Life’s too damn short! Enjoy it!
You are powerful.
You are strong.
You are beautiful.
You are worthy of your dreams.
Always remember to love yourself! As Ru Paul says “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?”